Someone reacted with disbelief when I said I was off booze for 12 months. "How on earth are you going to be able to do that? That would be so hard." I just told her I had made up my mind and I WILL do it. I KNOW I can do this although I am heading into the unknown in terms of the moments of weakness and temptation I'll inevitably encounter.
I recently read a story about this Nelson rooster, Chris Whiting, who won a car in local car dealer's "keep your hand on the car" competition. He remained in contact with that car, in at times freezing conditions, for 78 hours and nine minutes - outlasting 25 other hopefuls. That's more than three days. He had failed at a previous attempt to win a car in this fashion so was determined to do it this time. In terms of the determination side of things I relate to him. He made his mind up and so have I.
I also read about someone who had given up booze and how there was a honeymoon period at the beginning. I'm probably in this stage, where everything is new and I'm feeling great about my decision. But as reality and boredom sets in will going without become a chore and a burden? She said hard times set in, but two years down the track she's gotten through that and is positive she will never drink again.
For me, drinking alcohol was just something that was a part of my life, the perfect celebratory reward for all the little triumphs and there to soothe (or distract me from) the stresses and disappointments. In the next 12 months I guess I'll find out how important alcohol really is to me - how much it contributes to who I am as a person. At the moment I'm feeling like needing alcohol to function in this world is just one big myth. But who knows? I don't have all the answers, and may never have them.
As much as drinking was a part of me before, becoming the guy who doesn't drink will become perhaps more a part of my new identity, because I'm aware I'm swimming against the current in this. The only thing keeping me going is I've probably never been more at peace than I feel at the moment. I have an inner calm. But there are voices internal and real that are still telling me what I'm doing is not going to be an easy thing, asking me if I'm really sure I want to do this.
For all of you who have caught the sober train but are further down the line than me I have some questions:
Do you ever get used to not drinking?
At some point is drinking alcohol something you no longer think about about much at all?
Will I ever be at total peace with this?
Will I always be a person that drinks but is constantly thinking about quitting or a person who doesn't drink but wants to?
Is there any middle ground?
I remember one time I gave up Facebook for a while but the pull of social media, and of missing out, and of feeling like I couldn't live without it, drew me back. Is alcohol going to be like that?
I reached out to a mate the other day who I had noticed had posted something on Facebook about being five years' sober to tell him I was at day 35 and to ask him how the sober life was going for him. He told me how much better life is without booze, and encouraged me to keep going. I suspect reaching out to people like that will be an important part of this journey.
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Hi Sober Man, I'll have a crack at answering these questions........
ReplyDeleteYes I have got used to not drinking and don't obsess about it much at all these days like I used to at the beginning. So I therefore think you will come to be at peace with this. However, I also think that giving up for a year is different to giving up fullstop. There is in a way more of a peace to be found in just stopping altogether, as you don't have that line in the sand, the one year mark looming up ahead where you can then drink. I have done that once before too, I gave up for a year. At the time it didn't occur to me to stop altogether, it never even entered my head. So for that whole year I looked forward to drinking at the end of it. If you choose to drink again after your year is up, you may well be that person who drinks but thinks about quitting. If, however, you quit, I do not think you will always be wishing you were drinking. It takes time to notice all the subtle changes that take place within us, but eventually our lives become richer, and our relationships also become much richer. I don't think there is a middle ground. We either drink or we don't. I think we will always think about drinking, unless someone gives us a partial lobotomy, but I feel that having a few thoughts now and again is a fair trade off for all we gain. They are just thoughts after all. You are doing great at 35 days, and it is good to question xo
Hi Prudence, Great answer. I especially like this bit: "I feel that having a few thoughts now and again is a fair trade off for all we gain."
ReplyDeleteAt some point is drinking alcohol something you no longer think about about much at all?
ReplyDeleteNot as much, and the thoughts are different. I think about drinking alcohol as something I do not do, that not drinking is my strong commitment to life, and I know that I am enjoying my freedom from the slavery of addiction. It’s gold. In those times when I think I must have alcohol, I see that as a red flag, STOP, and take a few minutes to regroup my thoughts and I don’t act out on wanting to drink. Whether I want to drink or not, it doesn’t matter, it is my responsibility to attend to my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors, and respond in a way that supports refraining from drinking. Thoughts come and go.
Will I ever be at total peace with this?
Peace is definitely possible; I don’t know what “total” peace is, maybe that’s the peace that passeth understanding. Explore it and let us know.
Will I always be a person that drinks but is constantly thinking about quitting or a person who doesn't drink but wants to?
Of those two things, which would you rather be? Maybe if you commit to sobriety, you will find door number three.
Is there any middle ground?
If you are talking about moderation, I think that if you want to do this, you need a specific plan and follow it. Some people find that’s more trouble that it’s worth. If you think you can intuitively drink just the right amount, well, that seems to be something that doesn’t work for addictive drinkers. My mantra is “I don’t drink, no matter what”.
May your life go well!
At some point is drinking alcohol something you no longer think about about much at all?
ReplyDeleteNot as much, and the thoughts are different. I think about drinking alcohol as something I do not do, that not drinking is my strong commitment to life, and I know that I am enjoying my freedom from the slavery of addiction. It’s gold. In those times when I think I must have alcohol, I see that as a red flag, STOP, and take a few minutes to regroup my thoughts and I don’t act out on wanting to drink. Whether I want to drink or not, it doesn’t matter, it is my responsibility to attend to my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors, and respond in a way that supports refraining from drinking. Thoughts come and go.
Will I ever be at total peace with this?
Peace is definitely possible; I don’t know what “total” peace is, maybe that’s the peace that passeth understanding. Explore it and let us know.
Will I always be a person that drinks but is constantly thinking about quitting or a person who doesn't drink but wants to?
Of those two things, which would you rather be? Maybe if you commit to sobriety, you will find door number three.
Is there any middle ground?
If you are talking about moderation, I think that if you want to do this, you need a specific plan and follow it. Some people find that’s more trouble that it’s worth. If you think you can intuitively drink just the right amount, well, that seems to be something that doesn’t work for addictive drinkers. My mantra is “I don’t drink, no matter what”.
May your life go well!
Zentient