These blog posts have become less frequent, as I've had less and less to write about. As the days pass I've been feeling a little bad for neglecting this online space I've carved out for myself. I think about my mate and fellow blogger MIT, and how his posts have petered out somewhat and I wonder if he's still trucking along on his merry sober way. My silence has been because life has gotten in the way of the navel gazing required for this blogging caper, which is just fine with me.
The truth is I've been too busy to pop online and blog. I've had an intense period of work, interspersed with chasing a outstanding debt from a transaction gone sour, and pouring 9 - 12 hours a day into finishing a book project I've been helping a good sober friend with. The manic rushing around and late nights laying out book pages was on top of my primary role as a stay-at-home-dad. Madness. For the last week alcohol hasn't been either at the front or the back of my mind. I just haven't thought about it. I've had no time to let a period of boredom, and inactivity set in and lead to thoughts of a counterproductive exercise such as drinking booze. Would booze have aided me in getting through the last furiously-busy fortnight? Hell no!
It's funny. A couple of months ago I was writing about how intensely a newly sober person can become focussed on sobriety. It had become my latest obsession. I questioned whether it was just another thing for me to do well at until I was bored with it. I think I even mused about whether boredom (with sobriety) would lead to me packing it all in and drinking again. I looked into the future and wondered whether it (drinking) would be something I never thought of much, if at all. I feel like the last week has given me an insight into what a life without booze can be like - hectic, chaotic, stressful, joyous, satisfying, full. Yes, full. Is this what a life lived to the full is like?
I love my life right now - the way I feel in myself. I used to err on the side of staying in safe zones - places where I knew the boundaries, kept within my limitations, didn't put myself out there too far, stuck to what I knew. I've always been a person that works hard and effectively in bursts to achieve things, but then crashes to a low ebb shortly after and needs time to veg out on the couch and do pretty much nothing to recharge the batteries. I'm an all or nothing kind of guy (which is perhaps why moderation is not for me). I've taken on so much lately there is no longer room in my life for couch time, and I don't miss it.
I have purpose, and you need a bit of that.
I've opened myself up to opportunities.
I'm embracing the unpredictable. It no longer scares me.
Life's not so safe but it's far more interesting.
Booze is the last thing on my mind, which is the state of being I wished for when I decided to kick that shit out of my life.
Till next time.
Sober Man xo